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TILL DEATH DO US PART; 20 TIPS FOR A LONG AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

  1. NEVER ASSUME NOR JUMP TO CONCLUSION, LEARN TO COMMUNICATE

This is my first tip because this is the reason people make so many mistakes. ‘OH! He is not calling me! he must be cheating on me!’ PLEASE DONT DO THAT! Never assume anything. Do not jump into conclusions. Learn to communicate at all times. Talk to your partner everyday and when you start having doubts about him/her. Please talk about it. If you are still very suspicious, then you can conduct a very private investigation, Never let your partner feel you dont trust them. Most times people have issues as a result of lack of trust in a relationship. If you question, Your partner, they would question you too.

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     2.  BE PATIENT

This applies mostly to new relationship/marriages. He is not acting in the way you want him to act? I am not getting enough attention? He is not calling you enough? She is too lazy? She cant cook? He snores? He/she has body odour? Whats that really annoying thing about your new partner that pisses you off? You have to be patient. Communicate, talk to them about it(in a polite way). Be kind and good, 95% of times, they change. No one wants to loose a good partner. If you are good to them, they would make an effort to meet your standards, except of course you are dating an ass(sorry for the language). Some people are so negative, that there can never be an goodness coming from them, these kind of people are ‘very rare’ to see but if you see them, stay away from such people. Remember I put an emphasis on ‘very rare’ because most times we judge too fast. Have patient, give it time.

Also when you partner starts to change, he/she stops acting in a certain way and adopts a new irritating behavior, there is a reason to it. Be patient and find the cause of the problem. Don’t judge too quickly, Don’t nag too quickly

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      3. BE DETERMINED TO MAKE IT WORK! ‘E’ FOR EFFORT

Sometimes we leave all the work, apologizing, calling for one partner . Its not supposed to be so. If you want a Long and healthy relationship, you must put work into it.  Its not one person’s responsibility to be romantic, to call always, to buy gifts, to take out on dates, to apologize when there is a misunderstanding, to be patient or tolerant. You must not let your partner get all the work done, you both most put an effort and work for it. Try to be romantic, surprise your partner, try to make him/her happy the way you can and the way he/she loves.

Also a relationship is not all about having fun, getting gifts, There are times you would feel devastated, down, angry, sad… Its your determination that would pull your relationship out of the rocks.

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4. DO NOT COMMIT THE SAME SIN TWICE

Do not say sorry for the same thing all the time.  Don’t repeat the same irritating thing and apologize over and over for it.  Do not do things that would make you have to apologize to your partner always. They would get tired of forgiving. No one is perfect but try not to take a big heart for granted.

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5. BE SPONTANEOUS.

Be spontaneous and don;t get used to the same routine all the time. This tip is mostly for married couples, Don’t think marriage is a bondage, So you have to get a routine and follow it strictly, go to work, come back, feed the kids, make them sleep, probably have sex or not, sleep and wake up in the morning to the same routine. No! Change your routine once in a while. Dont even get used to the same sex position. Take your partner to the movies, take him/her to that place he has been talking about, Surprise him with a party(you can have a party just to celebrate life). Try to always spice up a relationship, dating or married. climb scary heights together. The most important thing about a relationship is having memories. Try to create memories, you can cherish. Remember that variety is the spice of life. Spice up your relationship.

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6. DONT SPEND ALL THE TIME TOGETHER

LMAO! YES I know your reaction now but have you ever heard of the saying ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” YES! it works. Spend some time apart once in a while, travel for a business trip, Make your partner miss you. but dont over do it, also spend some quality time with your partner.

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7.  DON’T COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS

Don’t try to wish for what someone else has, mostly because you dont know what is happening behind close doors and you are not them. Build your relationship the way it suites you and your partner and try not to digest everything you see on social media because most of them are not true. Don’t look at the gifts your friends are receiving from their partners because you dont know the faults in their relationship. They would not tell you. Also remember that we all love differently and we are all different individuals.

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8.  BE ATTRACTIVE, LOOK GOOD

You are married or he has known me for so long is not a reason to be on hair nets 24-7 , its not a reason to wear torn/old boxers, to keep your hair tattered and unkempt. If you decide not to take care of your self, you partner may get too attracted to someone who knows how to.  Always be attractive, always dress for the occasion.

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9. DON’T BE ENVIOUS, BE SUPPORTIVE

Yes you read well! Please do not be envious. If your partner is doing better than you, be happy for him/her.  One of the reasons for a relationship is to help your partner grow positively. Dry not to be chauvinistic. Be supportive while seeking to grow two. Try to see yourselves as One team. In a team, the success if one person is the success of another.

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10. WATCH YOUR FRIENDS

If you are married, try to have more of married friends so that you can have the same time of discussions and learn from it. If you have agreed to have sex only after marriage, stay away from people who sleep around. Try to make friends with people who think like you do or understand the things you do.

Also some friends have are also never supportive of your love life, not because they sincerely care but just because they may be single and bitter, be careful of such negative people. They would make you leave a wonderful relationship and curse you for breaking up later. Friendship penetrates the head, its better to prevent.

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11. DON’T KEEP RECORD OF PAST WRONGS

If you forgive a partner for doing something wrong, Please try to forget it. DO NOT constantly remind them of that thing they did wrong nor judge their present actions with it,. If you do that, its going to create problems.

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12.BE YOURSELF

BE YOURSELF and never change for anyone. You can only improve yourself and make yourself better but dont change that thing that makes you unique. Its not love. When you begin a new relationship and your partner is trying to get you to become another person to suite his/her needs. its not a very healthy relationship. You would look back at the things you stopped doing and be filled with regrets. Regret brings about spite. At the end of the day it would have been a wasted journey all along. Let us say you are a writer or an actor naturally, dont stop because your partner is not comfortable with your craft, you would see someone who loves you for what you do. Don’t stop being you because it suites your partner. You can only start to dress more decently, stop keeping late nights, stop smoking because stopping your bad habits improves you but does not change you.

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13.BE FRIENDS

Most people think that a relationship is all rosy till the end. You would not always be mushy, you would get tired of being mushy, even the sex may get boring. The love would not be as sweet as it was at the beginning and at that point what would sustain your relationship is the friendship that you have built over the years. I once told my best friend when our friendship was stressed ‘ We would go into many relationships, we would fall in love many times, break up with our ex’s but we would always be friends because nothing is more important than friendship’ Meaning that even if you stop talking to your ex. you cannot stop talking to your friend. Friendship is like a wine, it gets better as it gets older. Try to be the best of friends with your lover, get them to trust you with their problems and their deepest secrets and you guys would create a bond so strong.

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14. BE SELFLESS

Stop asking what your partner can do for you and start thinking what you can do for your partner. The world would be a better place if we all seek to impress each other and not collect from each other.

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15. LEARN TO TRUST

Learn to trust your partner and try to be less suspicious. When we trust someone we are leaving the person with a moral burden if they break that trust. Nothing disturbs a guilty person more than a guilty conscience. Someone who loves you would cherish that trust and try not to hurt you.

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16.DUMP THAT PRIDE

Pride has no business in love. Apologize when you are at wrong, Call when he/she is not calling. Pride would destroy your relationship faster than anything!

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17.   APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE   

Look at you partner and just appreciate them for who they are. Don’t be among the group who only realize what they have until they loose it. Don’t look at how another relationship works and wish you had all that. Appreciate that effort your partner is making in a different way.

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18. BE POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE

DO NOT be a negative joy killer. Always be positive and think good. Support your partner in  their journey towards greatness and encourage them. If everyone discourages them, they want you to be different. No one wants a relationship where they depreciate. Being negative is going to make your partner go down. Try to have a positive mindset towards everything. Dont always think the worst.

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19. ALWAYS FIND A MIDDLE GROUND

Dont always insist on your own opinion and decision. One person doesn’t have the monopoly of knowledge or decision making. Always find a middle ground. Remember that you are a team!

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20. SETTLE DISPUTES QUICKLY

Try to always settle disputes quickly, Dont let a grudge linger for too long. When he does something offensive, talk about it quickly. Don’t keep malice for long and dont stay angry for long

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21.  GET YOUR PARTNER TO READ THIS !!!

Make sure to get your partner to visit ‘our’ website and read the ULTIMATE 20 TIPS. You would be glad you did and it would help you both a long way. GOODLUCK AND CHEERS TO A LONG AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!

 

About Amaka

I am a graduate of English and literature, a great listener and a gifted life coach. I am not afraid to be bluntly honest.

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One comment

  1. I’m currently single but I wish you shared this earlier on. Thanks for the write up, it was lovely read, will have to save it for my next relationship lool. I like what you told your best friend, it makes so much sense.

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